The following article was written by Jess Webb.

Additional information is available to provide support, guidance and assistance:

Swim England Wavepower 2020-23 Child Safeguarding Policy and Procedures for clubs: https://www.swimming.org/swimengland/wavepower-child-safeguarding-for-clubs/

The Swim England Anti Bullying Policy is available on P70 of the Wavepower document.

Kidscape: https://www.kidscape.org.uk/

Bullying UK: https://www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/

When I was asked to write a article for Anti Bullying Week 16-20th November 2020, I thought long and hard before agreeing to write about my experience and thought I’d better start by familiarise myself and others with a definition of what bullying is ;

The Wavepower (2020-2023) Child Safeguarding policy and procedures for clubs documents that Kidscape define bullying as;

“the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, and comes in many different forms including verbal, physical, emotional and cyberbullying”

Reflecting back on my own time playing Water Polo at club, regional, and national level, I have had some fantastic memories and ones that I will never forget. However I do unfortunately feel some of these memories were over shadowed by a period of time that I did feel that I was bullied. I would say I was bullied more in a emotional way, and I would say it was intentional as it continued after those involved were aware of my feelings.

Emotional bullying is said to be more of a subtler form of bullying behaviour and involves behaviours such as teasing, mocking, use of sarcasm, put-downs or belittling, rolling of eyes, smirking and ignoring or excluding from a group (The Positive Parenting Centre 2011-2020)

At the time I felt bullied, I was also playing in the position of goal keeper for some of this period; in which is said to be one of the most challenging positions. I can remember experiencing being verbally criticised from other team members for letting goals in and suggestions that I wasn’t trying hard enough during games. I also heard that parents had made such remarks, which I later heard they had passed onto the head coach.

I felt excluded by team members, and there were certain members who would only speak to me outside the club environment, and ignore me during training or at tournaments. I also heard hurtful comments, and saw smirking and sniggering behind my back during training and games.

A good few years on now, and as a 17yr old, I have developed a understand of why people may act in such a way; such as peer pressure – hence it’s easier to go along with the group rather than you yourself risk being treat the same as the excluded individual by sticking up for them. I am embarrassed to say that I have fallen into the peer pressure category on in past social situations, and know I should have been stronger enough to have said I didn’t agree with the bullying type behaviours I witnessed, rather than being a bystander and doing nothing.

Sometimes jealousy or resentment can be the cause of excluding individuals. I feel completing against friends/team members for a place on a team, or position of captain or MVP (most valued player) in team can be fierce and intense, even cut throat at times, and I have seen friendships affected including those of the parents. I have also heard players and parents freely disagreeing with decisions made by coaches and referees on these positions, which could be overheard by or probably got back to the chosen individuals later.

In relation to my own experience, I feel I have good emotional well-being now and don’t harbour any resentment or ill feelings towards anyone involved at the time. Also this is my opinion of what I felt at the time, and I am sure the people involved would probably have another take on the situation.

I truly don’t believe the people involved including the parents realised what effect their behaviours had my moral and self esteem at the time. I was just trying my best and also just wanting to feel part of a team, but unfortunately struggling to fit in.

It was down to the support I received from a couple of friends, one in particular and her parents, alongside the coaches at the time that I continued playing, and competing for another good few years after.

However I can’t deny, that it did dampen my enthusiasm and inspiration for wanting to progress in the sport at a more competitive level. As the feelings and anxieties I developed from this experienced stayed with me and played on my insecurities for quite a while after.

What would I recommend to anyone reading this article that feels or knows someone who they think might be getting bullied ?

Please don’t be a bystander doing nothing, stand up for the victim and tell those involved that you don’t agree with their behaviour and contact the club welfare officer.
Parents spectating games please try not to shout or make disapproving noises when a player lets the goal in, loses the ball or makes a mistake, the player probably feels bad enough without being criticised by others especially adults.
If you see a team member being excluded by team players or your own child, don’t condone this behaviour. Encourage your child to make the player feel included and make the coach aware of what you have observed.
Make sure you are aware of your clubs anti bullying policy and who your club welfare officer is.

The Positive Parenting Centre 2011-2020 reports statistically emotional bullying is considered the most damaging form of bullying as it is the hardest to detect and the repetition of abuse can lead to the most devastating consequences to a individual’s mental health which can sometimes last into adulthood.

So if you haven’t realised some of the ways you are currently acting towards another is classed as bullying ; the first step has been recognising it, the second step is stopping.

Written by Jess Webb